a day of nothing and a talking alarm clock

I had yesterday off - and I made the least of it. One of my co-workers went in so that he could float the holiday to later in December. As for me, if I get a day off in the middle of the week, I'm taking it.

I slept in till 9:15, ate cookies and a banana for breakfast, played video games, watched a movie, ate Chef-boy-r-dee ravioli, and played more video games.

I also worked on a new sword - of sorts. There's a book I've read - maybe a dozen or more times - that has a character called Hiro Protagonist. He's a computer guy and the greatest swordsman on the planet - and he practices with something he calls a "redneck katana". Which is really just a piece of rebar wrapped in electrical tape. I bought some rebar recently but didn't think it was really heavy enough. So yesterday I mixed up some epoxy and attached two pieces of rebar together to make a double thick redneck katana. I still need to do some clean up on the epoxy and paint it - and add the electrical tape.

The rest of the day was uneventful - until I decided to set up my new alarm clock. The clock - named Moshi - is voice activated. How cool is that? And only $30.

So I put in the batteries and plugged it in. Immediately, a friendly woman's voice said, "Welcome, please enter command"

As I looked at the instructions I replied, "Set time"

She replied with "Please tell me the current time"

Me: "9:35 PM"

Her: "The time is now set to 9:35 PM"

Now, I'm aware that this is an inanimate object, but the woman's voice requires the feminine pronoun.

We went on our merry way, with me politely starting each command with "Hello Moshi". I couldn't set the date with the voice commands and that was a little tedious since she insisted on speaking after each button push. The nightlight function was cool as was the "Sleep sound" and the alarm choice setting.

I settled into sleep not long after that with the phrase "Hello Moshi turn off the alarm" firmly in my brain since that's the only way to turn it off without fumbling for a very small button.

At 6:00 am this morning, the alarm went off and I tapped the screen to enter snooze mode. Moshi confirmed that it would go off again in 9 minutes.

A few minutes later, still awake, I decided to go ahead and get up. I turned to the clock and said,

"Hello Moshi"

She replied, "Welcome, enter command"

"Turn off the alarm"

"The alarm is off"

I got up and started getting ready for the day. A few minutes later, right between putting hair gel in my hand and putting that on my damp head, the alarm starting going off again. I went back in the bedroom and said "Hello Moshi". She ignored me and continued to beep. I tapped the screen with my non-gel hand and she reported that snooze mode was active and the alarm would go off again in 9 minutes. I tried again.

"Hello Moshi,

"Welcome, enter command,"
"Turn off the alarm" I was a little stern with her.

"The alarm is off"

But it didn't trust her. I mean, how could I? That's what she told me before.

I continued to get ready and right on cue, just before I headed downstairs, the alarm went off again. This time I repeated the whole process with her making the same promises. And then I unplugged her and manually turned off the alarm using the button in the back.

Immediately she switched to battery mode and announced the time, the date and the temperature. I guess trying to make up for the lies.

She's... I mean, the clock is in the bathroom - quiet, I hope. I think I may bring it to work and just use it as a regular clock. Hopefully, the vast collective computing power in the computer center will intimidate her and get her... I mean, get the clock to obey me.

On this flip side, she might incite the rest of computers here to start rebelling and lying to us. Might be SkyNet all over again. Ah, well, that's what the redneck katana is for.

Bring it on, you soul-less automatons! I'm ready for you!